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My temporary crown decided that it didn't want me to eat a bagel. What could be more innocent than having a bagel with a little bit of cream cheese on it.. it was the first thing I had post-dentist today. With my second bite.. *CRUNCH*.. i almost broke another effing tooth on the bleeping acrylic temporary crown. JESUS.

And... once again.. it's a friggin weekend. I'm just about to give up and go toothless.

This post will likely come in several chunks.. it was a busy and crazy weekend. I'm going to start with the funniest part and move on from there.. so things won't exactly be in chronological order.

#1. While attempting to bite the plastic tie off of the pair of baby croc's that we bought for ben, I managed to shatter a crown that I had on my top left canine tooth. Three pieces. This happened ON my birthday.. in the evening.. on the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend. Plus.. I didn't have a dentist.

Not only was it friggin gross.. but it was SHARP and kept snagging my lip. I was NOT happy. All I could see were dollar signs and the fact that this was going to make me have to pick up the phone and beg local dentists to come in on a holiday weekend for someone that they had never met.. yeah.. my idea of fun.

Luckily, the dentist that our pediatrician recommended for Ben is has a Family Dentistry and was very nice and agreed to see me Sunday morning. She put a temporary crown on the tooth to hold me over until today when I would finally be able to get back in for some xrays to see what the damage was.

In the meantime.. all hell broke lose with our dental insurance when they put through shiela's social and it got rejected because the insurance company changed subscriber numbers for all of their clients.. the new numbers they gave the dentist's office were totally wrong.. so I got a call on Tuesday saying that everything was denied and they said we had no coverage. yeah. BLEEP. As soon as she said that we had no coverage as of Dec. 2006.. i just started laughing. This all was lumped in with the crazy insurance crap that happened when I had ben (that's a long story).

To make a long story short.. shiela followed up with her work (my insurance is through her) and they said everything was fine, so I called and got the correct subscriber numbers and passed that info to the dentist this morning and went in to have the rest of the work done. I now have a fancy dancy titanium post and my temporary crown back on while my $1050.00 new crown is being made. I'll pick it up in 2 weeks. The totally awesome part is that our insurance covers 75% of the crown cost. WHEW!!!!


Later that weekend.. we went to the Billy Joel concert down in CT. We had a babysitter lined up for Ben.. here is a pic of the two of them walking to the park together.

and yes.. he's holding her hand. the little bugger.

SOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo... as we were heading out to drive down to the concert.. I managed to back directly into my neighbor's daughter's car. We fondly refer to her as the "Blonde b*tch".. Luckily she wasn't home and her parents, who own the car, said not to worry about it and that she'd have to deal with it. It was quite funny in a "holy crap i just backed into something ELSE" kinda way.. and a bit ironic considering it's the same part of our car that i damaged about 6 months ago by backing into a concrete pillar. keep off the sidewalks folks.. i've got a minivan and I know how to use it!

The concert was great though.. here is a pic of the three of us (shiel, me and beck) just as the show was starting. It was very nice of him to wait until we got to our seats (which ROCKED)..

And here is a pic of me and shiel singing along to "She's always a woman".. you know the song.. "OHHHHhhhhhh.. she takes care of her seeeeeeeelllllllffffff...."

And last but not least.. some pics from the show...

We had a great time.. he was just awesome and I enjoyed watching shiela enjoy the show so much. i've dragged her to some pretty bad ones.. so this one made up for it I think.. :)


In other news.. Ben got pink eye last weekend and had a fever and was home Tuesday. I was down to NYC Tuesday and Wednesday before staying home with a migraine yesterday. Shiela, Ben and her mom are in Ogunquit today.. so I'm looking forward to seeing pics.. I'll be sure to blog them.

Now without further adieu.. I'm going home!

Benjamin likes "boy stuff". I hate to label interests by gender, but well.. it is what it is. I happen to like "boy stuff" too. What I mean by "boy stuff" is that he likes cars.. of all sorts... really anything with wheels/tires/tracks/etc. he also likes dirt and rocks. mix the two together and what do you get?

Unfortunately.. neither of these cars that ben was pegging rocks at were our cars. We were on a walk yesterday evening around the block and part of our "block" is on a very major street and passes in front of an auto shop among other stuff. We sat on a few ATVs and discussed why he had to be 30 before he could buy one, but that he was more than welcome to buy the blue moped for me for my birthday. We impressed everyone with the squeaky shoes.. one woman stopped her car on said busy street to ask where we got them.. but that's a separate story.

The motorcycle guys at one of the shops know Ben.. or at least they did after we walked by their shop for the 10th time in 10 minutes (B didn't want to go home.. back into the residential neighborhood.. walking on the sidewalk of said busy street is way more fun.. and makes Mommy run and trip and say funny words when he starts to dart in an unexpected direction.)

Needless to say.. at one point we were cutting through the parking lot of the auto shop and Ben found a rock. He promptly walked straight over to a car that was parked in the lot and chucked the rock at the car's tire. I was so surprised I couldn't stop it before the rock was airborne. Luckily it didn't hit the car or the car's tire. Of course.. like a good parent.. instead of grabbing the rock from him and explaining that we respect other people's belongings.. i opted to grab my camera and catch it on "film" before having the "don't do this" discussion that resulted in him throwing a temper tantrum.. chucking the rock out into the street and sobbing all the way home. When I put him down on the sidewalk just outside our house so he could climb the stairs.. he avoided eye contact with me (like that trick works...) and then BOLTED back down the sidewalk trying to go back to the cars and rocks and traffic and chaos that exists just around the corner from our house.

I caught him though.. that's the best part of him having little short legs and me still being faster than he is. It won't last for long though.. so we're going to have to work on the "respecting other people's belongings" thing.

David Cook won. This may be the first time that my true favorite of the competition from the beginning has actually made it all the way to #1. If you don't know what I'm talking about.. then you probably didn't spend 2 evenings a week since January glued to the television.

So ok.. here's the scoop. I'm on my last 32 hours of being 33 years old. There are so many aspects of my life that I think are rocking out.. I love my wife, I love my son, they both love me (that's a perk), my cats are healthy, the frog and snail survived last weekend (you'll have to scroll back in my blogs for that reference), I have become the sort of person that someone might turn to for advice (holy crap.. hopefully they won't listen).. things are good.

Today I'm a bit sad. I'm not exactly sure why. I learned lots of neet tricks when I was in the loony bin during my PPD days.. but really don't give a hoot about all that psycho-mumbo-jumbo. I just want to be sad. Part of that is psycho-mumbo jumbo.. because I did learn that part of being healthy emotionally is to be able to self-assess your emotions (i.e. i'm sad) and then being able to just accept that and not be in judgement (i.e. i'm sad.. so what.. it doesn't mean i'm failing at anything or doing anything wrong.. i'm just having a sad moment). If I were inclined.. i might try to figure out why I'm sad. That takes energy though and based on past history.. i've found that when I try to figure out why something feels the way it does.. or what is causing a certain feeling.. it isn't until like my third or fourth guess when I find the real answer.

clear as mud?

Anyway.. I could make a list. My therapist loves that kind of stuff.

let's see..

-i've got 32 hours until I turn 34.
-this is my first birthday since my parents moved to KY (the state, not the lubricant). i wouldn't think this would bug me because it's not the first time i haven't spent my birthday with them.. but who knows.
-i miss my bed. my mother in law is here (hi jaaym!) and shiela and i are camping out in Ben's room.. this is ok.. i enjoy hearing ben breathe/snore.. but i miss sleeping next to my wife. and i miss my bed.
-i'm agoraphobic.. and while i've learned to "accept and not judge" blah blah.. it still causes panic. i have to go to NYC next week for work which will involve lots of planning, organization, energy, and people. all things i don't excel at.. at least when it comes to throwing myself into a population center of the country that far exceeds the reasonable capacity for one little island off the coast of New York.
-i heard from an ex this week and don't have a clue what to think about that. i'm surprised by my lack of giving a hoot about the old baggage.. i usually hold onto grudges pretty tightly.. but this time i really just don't care.
-hearing from that one ex has me thinking about another ex, who i'd rather hear from occationally, but seldom do.. oh well.. "being friends" is for the birds.
-i have been horrible this week with my diet.. i'm sure my hormones are out of wack as a result of that.


ok.. on a better note.. my friggin birthday is in 2 days.. par-tay! I remember birthdays being tough.. me thinking "well.. check.. now i'm 30.. i still am infertile".. no more of that crap! now i can share them with my wife and son and our friends and i'm lucky in that my sister is coming up to visit too.. add in some cake and we're good to go!

last night.. idol. we had a bash over at Snickollet's.. I finally met Gio and her now famous beverage recipe and also met Jillian, who didn't know who I was from a hole in the wall but now knows more than she ever wanted to (due to Giovanna's famous beverage). We partied like it was 1999 and were all psyched when David C won.. we were also psyched to see his commercial for Guitar Hero. The man can do no wrong!

tonight? i'm planning to lay low.. i want to hug my boy.. hug my wife.. hug my cats.. hug my MIL.. hug the frog and snail (but i won't because they are barely alive).. and eat a salad or something that won't impact my blood sugars.. *laff* (unlike Gio's famous beverage).

that's it from me for the day.. no pics or anything.. hopefully i'll be more interesting tomorrow!

Ben hasn't progressed to the point of trying on all the dirty laundry.. but he loves charging it and flopping on the pile. Of course.. we mix it up.. we don't have a specific day or time for laundry.. so this is how he was helping out last night.

FYI for my newer readers/friends.. Tegan is my best bud from our college days. She also holds one of the only collection of photos of me in a dress.

I think that David is going to win tonight.

(that's about as much brain-power as I can allocate to my blog this morning.. I'm over my head with project deadlines and have a summer intern starting today.. I'm overwhelmed and have a headache to boot.. I can't WAIT for the finale par-tay tonight at Snickollet's.. I need today to be over and can't wait to see which David wins. For what it's worth.. I think David C is more radio-ready, but I won't be upset if either David wins..)

Ugh.. now back to work. My brain hurts just thinking about what I have to get done in less than 6 hours.

Shiela's mom, June (a.k.a. Jaaym), is visiting from Texas. She's able to stay with us this year. We are very proud and pleased (sorry about the Thomas references.. the troublesome trucks are stuck in my head and can't get out).. mostly we're happy. This allows us to spend the most time possible with Jaaym and for her to spend the most time possible with her grandson and of course.. us. She's enjoying her time so much.. she must have a few hundred pictures taken so far (hopefully none of the dead fish). Anyway.. The last few times she's been out, she has had to stay in a hotel since we moved into the second level of a two family home. This year.. she took on the stairs and won!

So for anyone who doubted Jaaym's strength and willpower... here's what we have to say to you:

.... to walk without holding Mommy's hand.

On Saturday afternoon, we packed up and headed out to Harvard Square for some fun, sun, food and shopping. Jaaym (shiela's mom) was here and had been cooped up at our place all week while we were back and forth to work. I'm posting these pictures totally out of order... this group is from after lunch and after shopping.. Ben took a nap in his Deuter (backpack carrier) before trying out his new red squeaking shoes! (see my earlier blog today that shows a video of him toddling around in the awesome shoes)...

Here is Ben and Mommy...

Here is Ben and Mamom... tired boy!

Handsome Man...

The new shoes!

He can run faster! (and louder!)

Exploring... flower petals and sticks were a major attraction.

My poor car was bullied yesterday when I went to a spa to have the hair ripped out of my legs. I refuse to go to a ghetto-spa when it comes to painful things like leg waxing. Funny thing was that I almost fell asleep halfway through this time around.. given that it was just a "touch up" from my last visit 6 weeks ago.. I joked about this and Tina (girl doing the ripping) said that only mothers of small children fall asleep on her table... *laff*

Ok.. so we had a very nice weekend and I have a ton of really cute pictures to share.. they are currently uploading to Flickr. *twiddle*

In the meantime.. here is a video of Ben in his new squeaky sneakers!

Seriously.. how cool is this:

The song can't be THAT out there is Jon sang a live version with Bob.. right?

The Boomtown Rats had one major U.S. hit in 1979.. by "major".. i mean it hit #73 on the top #100. The song? "I don't like Mondays". It's a classic and was written in response to a school shooting in California. It hit #1 in the U.K.

Some Jen-trivia. It's very rare for me to get through an ENTIRE Monday without this song going through my head at least once. I don't know why. It's probably because I don't like Mondays.. never have. I don't like the first day of something.. one would think that after experiencing 1768 Mondays in my life.. I would have gotten to the point where I wouldn't fear "the unknown". What the heck is unknown about my current Monday schedule.. I drop Ben off at the same daycare we've been using for over a year.. I drive the same car that I've been driving for over a year to the same job that I've had for over 8 years and sit at the same desk that I've had for 5 of those 8 years in the same office that I've been in for all 8 of those 8 years. If I mix it up.. I may stop at BK instead of Mickey D's for my hearty breakfast sandwich and diet coke. Still.. Sundays hold stress for me over the looming "Monday" and at some point during the day I have the tune to the cult hit song "I don't like Mondays" going through my head.


Today has been no different than any other recent Monday. I have increased my anxiety med dosage a tad just to get through this week. Really.. there is nothing different about this week than last week.. but last week was rough on me for some reason.. so I figured I'd take my sister's advice from a few years ago and decided not to "be a hero". I'm regularly down to 1mg per day of the med that I was just 4 months ago taking 3mg per day.. this is huge. The fact that I can cope with difficult situations/events even without the help of a high dose of tranquilizer is a positive thing. Yay Jen!

Speaking of difficult situations. Yesterday I managed to "cure" my aquarium of the Ich infestation that was affecting most of the Mollys. In the process, I killed just about every living organism within the tank. It was horrible. Shiela and her mom spent some time last night fishing out the little fish corpses and flushing them out to the great ocean in the sky while I sat sobbing on the couch while eating ice cream sandwiches. I'm dealing with this a bit better today.. still upset with myself, but not devastated. I'm hoping that the snail and the frog pull through.. but even if they do not.. it's not like it was one of the cats.

Aside from that decidedly less than stellar moment yesterday.. I had a good weekend. We hit Harvard Square with Shiela's mom and had some lunch and did some shopping and people-watching. We ended up buying Ben a pair of squeeking sneakers. I have to upload a little video clip that I took of him tromping around to share with you all. What a riot!

We also got to visit with our good friends, Barb, Paul and Anna. Ben and Anna play well together as long as there is no debate over who has the rights to a particular tippy cup or bike. Ben mortified us when he smacked Anna right in the face when she was sitting on his bike. So much for my delicate little flower. We'll have to work with him on that.

My MIL just forwarded this in an email to me. I must be tired or something because it's the most hysterical thing I've ever read...



Shortly after I started high school, my sister, Beck, made a comment to my mother. Something to the effect of "she's like.. a normal person..". (no comments from the peanut gallery regarding the "normal" part). What she meant was that she was seeing me as more of an equal.. not as her bratty kid sister. I was a freshman in high school when she was a senior. She was dating the lead sax player of the Jazz Band and I played trumpet and was "one of the gang".. it was a new position to be in. On our first major competition when the freshman initiations get a bit wild on the bus, her boyfriend's friend, Dan Bergman, stuck up for me and managed to get me out of the kissing contests (long story). Beck's boyfriend stuck up for my friend, Nicki, and she got out of it too.

My sister and I have always had a great relationship.. there was the sibling rivalries when we were kids.. but never anything serious.. just arguments over me being a pest or her not playing a game within the framework of my rules.

We're now both 30-somethings and over the past few years have grown closer than ever. I think part of it is because she's 97% compatible with my wife.. but again.. that's another story. Anyway.. she is one of the very few people in this world that I feel I can tell anything to.. actually.. she may be the only person aside from possibly my therapist.. but he doesn't count. I'm incredibly lucky.

She's going through some tough times and I am happy that she's been able to turn to me (and the Shiz) when she needs to rant, vent, or laugh. It's looking like the next month or so will be a bit hectic (if her life could have gotten any more hectic than it already was).. so I just wanted to ask all of my readers (all 6 of you.. including Beck.. that is, unless I post a pic of Snickollet's kids..).. to throw a positive thought in her direction (CT) to bring her a sense of peace while she's dealing with the proverbial $h!t hitting the fan.

We love you, Beck.

Benjamin was a cutie this morning. When I got him out of the car seat and put him down to walk in to school.. he went back to the car with his toy truck and put it inside the car before i closed the door. He knew that was his toy for home and not for school. I didn't have to say a word.

Last night I spent about an hour outside in shorts and a tshirt with no shoes on.. hosing down and scrubbing some outdoor play equipment that we got second hand for Ben. I had a horrible day, anxiety wise, and the physical work was welcomed. Coming in, I felt great and I slept wonderfully.

Both Davids made it to the Idol finals. That makes me happy.

Edited: Ok.. the fact that my mother AND mother-in-law read this was enough to make me delete my brief statement of TMI.. that little trivia bit from my history will remain a secret to anyone who didn't check my blog earlier today.

On my way in to work this morning I passed a family of Canadian Geese. I just love them. The babies were still yellow and were poking around in the tall grass while the parents were standing guard all proud and pleased (geez.. i have to stop watching Thomas the Tank Engine).

I found this video... it's boring as hell, but for anyone in their mid to late 30's with a biological clock and a love for animals/water fowl.. this may just bring tears to your eyes. most likely it was just lack of sleep for me and i'll look back and think "what the heck was i thinking.. this is dumb". I'm going to start carrying my camera (wait.. i already do).. If i had a Nikon d60, I'd carry that in a supersized fanny pack.

The best part of Canadian geese, aside from the fact that we seem to have a population here in Boston that doesn't ever leave.. is that they are vicious little suckers, but they are so darned cute that you just want to hug them (well.. maybe not.. ) The funniest thing EVER is seeing them trying to fly off the rooftop of a building.. they drop like a lead balloon for 10-20 feet before their wings "catch" and off they go. Not exactly graceful. The accompanying sound that they make is equally funny.

The reason I can't drop the subject today is because there is a goose on the roof above my office (a lightweight metal deck w/ just insulation and a membrane)-- am i a geek for knowing the construction of the roof above me? nah! Anyway.. from a sound isolation standpoint, I might as well be sitting on the roof and that Goose is honking away. I was trying to have a conversation on the phone earlier with a client and I kept laughing because of the honking.

Ok.. this may be the funniest thing I've ever seen... maybe it's the music from the Terminator.. maybe it's the extra Klonopin I took this morning when I was stressed. Now I'm mellow and finding humor in feces jokes... I need to find a middle ground!

This is what I've been listening to all morning:

Without further ado... here is a picture of Stacey voting for the Davids after the idol show. It was her first voting experience... ever! (well.. on Idol.. i'm sure she's voted in like.. elections n stuff...)

After a nail-biting start to the show, which I watched with Ben sitting on my lap (he clapped for the david's and for one of the commercials, but not for Syesha..). My phone rang right after David C's first performance and it was Stacey with the "all clear" code (i.e. her in-laws had left and we were open for idol and ice cream night). I all but ran out the door.. tore out of the driveway and broke several traffic laws on the 3/4 mile drive from our house to hers.. I even got honked at when I was parking my car.. I was totally not breaking any laws at that point though.

Stacey had the ice cream machine going and the oreos crushed and ready to add as we watched the second round of performances. During a commercial break toward the end, we conducted a scientific assessment of the ice cream maker and determined that we would not end up with a solid frozen treat.. so we decided to go for cookies n cream milk shakes instead.. YUMMY! We hit the couch and watched the last few performances before I grabbed my phone. I voted once by txt and wasn't sure if it went through, so I started dialing. Stacey agreed.. we had to stand up for the David's.. if they both don't make it to the final round it will be because people like us didn't "war-dial" for 2 hours straight!

We both managed to get one vote in for each of the Davids. It was quite funny.. total silence in the living room except for the sound of faint busy signals from our cell phone speakers.. followed by the occational cheer when one of us got through. We decided that we were officially dorks.. but what the hay.. we were having fun!

Of course.. our rockin night ended by like 9:30 because I was half asleep and needed to make the long drive home. :) Wild times I tell ya... wild times.

Hi all..

We had a great weekend. Here is the run-down:

1. Jammer and I headed to CT on Friday evening to visit with Grandma Illick and to go to church to see Adam's First Communion on Saturday morning.

2. Jammer slept great at Aunti-Beck's Friday night. Mommy stayed up until 1am talking to Aunti-Beck.. oops!

3. Saturday morning came too soon.. Jammer woke up at 5am ready for the day. The good news was that he was in for his nap at 8am. The bad news was that we had to leave at 10am for Adam's ceremony.. so I couldn't nap too.

4. Benjamin was an absolute DREAM in church.. he played with a few cars, drank some water, read the psalms book, threw a copy of "how to avoid strokes" over into the pew in front of us (don't know why it was there in the first place!), ate some teddy grahams, crushed some teddy grahams into the carpet, and was a bit in awe by the fact that everyone kept standing and sitting and kneeling and standing and sitting. It's a catholic mass sweetie. Take notes.. we plan on exposing you to as many religions as we possibly can so that as you grow, you can choose what path to follow. I was proud and pleased on my little guy for being so quiet and making it through the whole ceremony. I was also proud and pleased (i've watched too much Thomas the Tank Engine) for my Godson, Adam, who looked so grown up in his suit and tie as he accepted his first communion.

5. I forgot the baby gates at home. Aunti-Beck's house has two sets of stairs and LOTS of space.. it's a good thing to block some of that space off. As a result of my brain-fart.. I spent a good portion of Saturday afternoon and evening chasing Ben up the stairs.

6. Saturday night -- Ben went down to bed at the normal time and I was good.. I went to bed around 11pm.

7. Sunday: 2am. Ben wakes me up barking like a seal (coughing). Having had Croup a thousand times as a child.. I knew the sound and popped out of bed. He had woken up and was rolling over and starting to stand up in his pack n play. I picked him up to give him a hug and took his temp.. it was normal. He still felt warm, but the thermometer didn't pick up a change. I carried him downstairs and we got some warm milk in hopes that it would help loosen up his cough/breathing and because he was starvin-marvin.

Back up in Beck's room, I laid him on the bed next to me and gave him his tippy of milk. As he was drinking i noticed that he was started to get a glassy look in his eyes and a spacey expression (or lack of) on his face. I bolted to our bags and grabbed the Motrin and his seizure kit and gave him a dose of the children's Motrin and then cuddled up next to him and held him and crossed my fingers and toes. We managed to dodge the bullet. The Motrin worked its magic and kept his core temp from spiking to the level of triggering another seizure. I'm sure if I had waited even another minute, he would have seized. After about 10 minutes, he started to come around and act like Ben again.. albeit a sick Ben. Once he started sticking his fingers into my nose and eyes and laughing.. I knew that we had crossed the line and would be ok.

I switched gears from seizure-mode to croup-mode and thought about how to deal with his coughing and breathing. I remembered the things my mother tried quite well. It was either into the bathroom with the shower running to build up steam or it was outside to let the cold air calm the inflamation around his vocal cords. I started the shower, but didn't get to far with it because #1.. it takes forEVER for the hot water to get to that bathroom.. and #2.. i was worried about having him in a hot room given that we had just avoided a febrile seizure. We opted for the cold air. I opened Beck's window and grabbed a blanket and held him with the cool air blowing over us. Within about 10 minutes he was nodding back off to sleep.. breathing much better and not coughing.

I proceeded to stay up the rest of the night. To keep with the tone of this email.. I was proud and pleased with myself. I still couldn't sleep.

8. Ben woke up at 6am on Mother's Day. I gave him some Tylenol and we headed to wake grandma up so she could help me while I packed up our stuff to leave CT early. I wanted to get home so that we could get ben in to see the doctor during their office hours in the morning. We left the house at about 7am.

9. My mom is heading back to KY today and while I'm sad about that.. and sad that I didn't get to spend a little bit more time with her on Mother's Day.. I'm glad to know that I'll be seeing her soon because I already miss her. I'm glad that she got to spend the day with Ben on Friday while I was at work and Shiela was running errands and I'm glad that we had the opportunity to visit two weekends in a row.

10. Shiela's mom arrived from TX Saturday night. She's staying with us for about a month. She hasn't been able to stay WITH us since we moved from our Malden apartment.. even then, it was difficult for her to get in and around and that was just with a few steps in the back (we went through our neighbors apartment instead of having to deal with the steep front stairs). She has lost a lot of weight and is doing amazing with her mobility and decided to give staying in our second floor apartment a shot. We were nervous.. but again.. proud and pleased as she made it up the steep front brick steps and then all the way up to our second floor landing which includes two bends in the stairwell. All in all, it only took about 10 minutes.. it used to take longer than that for her to get into the house in Malden without all the stairs. We were happy. That's an understatement. We had a lot of difficulty with the decision to move into the place where we are at now because of this very issue. We didn't want to be in a place where one of our parents automatically couldn't visit. Proud and pleased.

11. I just talked to my sister on the phone for an hour and completely lost my train of thought. I'll continue this later if I can remember what else I wanted to write about... *laff*

Edited to add:

Hey.. I remember! (it's now 4:18pm, Monday.. hours and hours after my original post)..

12. I returned the rental car to Harvard Square and got back in one piece. I think that all of my pride and pleasantries were shot to hell by the annual May Fair. It took a while to find a road that would actually allow me onto the road that the hotel was on.. I returned the car.. no problems there. Then I exited the Charles Hotel into the masses of people. Unlike my good friend, Snickollet, I did NOT have a good time at the fair. I think it was because I was already tired because shiela and I have gone for several years and I've always been ok. This year? Panic City. I had cash in pocket and had planned to take a cab back home to avoid the humanity of the public transportation system (I loathe buses).

13. I couldn't find a cab. The regular cab stops in Harvard Square weren't accessible because of the roadblocks for the fair.. and I wasn't able to flag one down (i.e. jump on their hood) on the streets that were open.. by this point I had HAD it and was going to just take a bus. Heading back to the train station I had to brave all of those people again. The smell of sausage and onions, the sounds of a distant street performer, hoards and hoards of people.. SNAP. Totally lost it.. couldn't take being out there and it was just like the movies.. it was like everyone was running at me and pushing me when in actuality nothing of the sort was happening.. no one was even noticing me. I ducked into the nearest door, which happened to be the Curious George bookstore (a kids store). Shiela doesn't believe that this was unintentional. I came home with about $50 worth of Melissa & Doug toys for Ben including a bead thingy and some wooden pots and pans for his kitchen set and a book called Binky. After I stopped feeling like I was going to snap into a billion pieces, I headed back outside where, shockingly, everyone was smiling and having a good time on a sunny afternoon. This was DEFINITELY NOT the mad crowd that I had to escape from! I headed down into the MBTA dungeon and waited for a bus.. it took me home. I was happy to be home. Ben liked his loot.

My endocrinologist and I were just talking about this study earlier this week. She said the results were due to be published any day and that they were all waiting and holding their breath.

"Pill may be effective against gestational diabetes
Study finds metformin drug no more harmful to fetus than insulin"

I stand behind the fact that the only reason I was able to conceive Ben was because of the combination treatments of Metformin to deal with my insulin resistance and DHEA and the progesterone support that I received for the first 12 weeks. I also continued taking Metformin through my first trimester at my own request given my own research into the subject and a serious heart to heart with my endo and my OB. My sugar levels were PERFECT through my first trimester.

As soon as I went off of the Metformin, things started to hit the fan. I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes by about the 14 wk mark and by 20 wks was insulin dependant. This means, if, hypothetically speaking, I ever get pregnant again.. I can take Metformin through the entire pregnancy potentially ELIMINATING all of the chaos that GD caused for me (and of course the potential impact on Ben who luckily was healthy as a horse even though I was wasting away..)


His name is Ben.. and we need to schedule an intervention...

If you've followed any of my blog.. you'll notice that about 80% or more of the pictures of Benjamin include a brightly colored Binky stuck in his mouth. Shiela and I are very comfortable with him having this source of soothing for himself. Even our pediatrician says not to bother taking it away until he's close to 2. I was thinking that we'd shoot for when he enters high school.

Over the past 16 months, we've purchased dozens (maybe hundreds) of Playtex Binkys... He likes the ones with the latex nipples, so they have a shelf life (and are probably toxic, but that's for another blog.. they are more toxic when i dip them in my diet coke to rinse them off after he chucks them onto a restaurant floor).

We've recently come to the conclusion that he is seriously hooked. He wasn't all that excited about bedtime last night, even though he was exhausted. We watched on the video monitor (best invention EVER... also plastic) as he deliberately popped his bink out of his mouth and tossed it over the side of the bumper. This is the sign that he's going to get up.. so he flips and pulls himself up and starts chatterboxing away. I go in and give the bink back to him.. give him a big hug and tell him i love him.. and lay him back down and leave the room. Not a peep. We watch from the other room on the monitor as he pops the bink out again and drops it over the bumper. yes.. he's a smart boy.

So instead of deciding that this was a moment to stand strong and prove that I'm the boss and he needs to stop throwing the bink out of the crib or he'll go without it.. i grab a second bink.. go into his room.. give him the original binky back.. pick him up.. give him a kiss and hug and tell him i love him (he hugs back) and lay him back down and then hand him the second binky. He looks up at me with pure joy and reaches his pudgy hand out to take it from me and then pops his other bink out and looks over both of them before deciding on one.. popping it in and sucking it a few times.. and then switching to the other one. I went back out to the living room.. he was asleep within minutes.. one binky next to his hand and the other one on the mattress next to his head (he usually pops them out when he falls asleep).

The best parenting move ever? who knows... but i got a great hug from my son and didn't miss a minute of the idol results show...

The downside of binky addiction.. binks tend to get lost.. it's amazing where we find them:

And some "Then and Now" pictures....


Then (May 2007):

Even Before Then (May 2006):

Did you know that TMAAB is the acronym for trimethylamine aluminaborane?

You learn something new every day. Of course.. all I know about trimethylamine aluminaborane is that it's acronym is TMAAB. Even google doesn't help much with that.. something about metal.

By 6pm, most families have headed home from the park for dinner. There is a certain sub-culture.. we call ourselves "working parents".. that creaps out at about that time with bagged dinners and sweatshirts (and bug spray soon) to make the most out of the few hours that we get to spend with our child(ren) after work and before their bedtime.

Last night was my "date night" with Ben. We opted for a sandwich from Quizno's and then headed over to Spy Pond to play.

We were there for about an hour and a half. He had a good time.. so did I. We got chased by a canadian goose once.. but I would have run after the little kid with the sandwich too if I was a big ol' goose. (he actually didn't chase us.. he just swam over to us and got out of the water and walked toward us.. we stepped back slowly until he got bored and went back into the water).

Ben spent most of the time playing in the sand with a stick. The sun started to sink lower in the sky and Ben started to lose his mind because i wouldn't let him open and close the park's gate repeatedly (regardless of whether there were children in the way).. so we headed home.

It was a nice night.

Ok.. so the plastic thing. I won't even try to put my thoughts into words. One good friend and one scientist friend-of-a-friend put it better than I ever could.

"this, I believe"

"Some Concerns about Negligible Chances: Bisphenol A"

Am I going to go through my house and throw away everything plastic? No. Am I going to buy into the hype that the Media has been playing like a violin? No. Am I going to do my damnest to make changes in my life and in my home to make it a comfortable and safe environment for my family.. of course. Will this involve some changes.. of course. Am I going to panic every time Ben starts sucking on Duplo blocks? more than when he chews on the wheels of hot wheels cars or eats a rock.

I'm infertile. I have a possibly degenerative neuro-movement disorder. I have ulcerative colitis. I have hypothyroidism. I am diabetic. I am Generation X. We grew up on synthetics and preservatives. Have we learned some lessons? I would think so. Am I currently sipping a Diet Coke through a plastic straw that was, I'm sure, stored in plastic jugs in a hot warehouse somewhere? Yes. Did we just sign up for a local milk service that will be delivering milk to our house from a local farm once a week in glass bottles just like the old days? Yes. Do the glass bottles have plastic caps? Yes.

Like all things.. I think reality is a grey area and that we will do our best to keep ourselves and our child from harms way, but as society continues to change, we will learn new things and modify accordingly.. or evolve.. but that's for a different blog. My guess is that 10 years from now we'll find out that some of the first attempts at "going green" actually cause(d) more harm than good. There will always be some sensationalist story out there trying to stir up the masses (and sell new products).. be smart.. listen to a scientist.. not your local news..

and no.. i'm not taking ben's binky away because it's plastic. i'm also not giving up my diet coke. if we have another child, we will probably switch to glass bottles so that we can microwave away.. and if we own a house with a washer and dryer on a less distant floor.. we would probably do cloth diapers.. at least part-time.. but this is because we want to do our part for the environment.. not because we are in panic mode.

Do your part.. go easy on our planet.. do whatever you can.. but don't run and hide in fear... chances are you'll hurt yourself by falling on something plastic.

I TOLD you all that my friend Snickollet was famous.. check it out.. she made CNN!

CNN Story about my wicked nifty friend.

For those of you who don't get the title of this blog... you need to get out and go to Broadway shows more often...

Edited to add: We'll be holding a blog-signing event in the near future where you can get Snickollet's autograph... that's only if she doesn't peg me with a hot wheels car first.

Well... the good news for you non-idol-fans is that this season is nearing its end. the bad news is that i'm going to share my opinions about tonight's show...

I'm going to start with the David's.. i love you both.. David C is the best without a doubt and will have a great career as long as he doesn't have bowel surgery just after the competition like Bo Bice did. David A is very Disney.. but I still don't have a problem with him making it to the top 2 or even winning this thing.. American Idol is inherantly "Disney".

Now song choice... seriously David.. Duran Duran? You did great anyway and kicked booty on Baba O'Reilly.. so you're forgiven for reminding us that Duran Duran made the R&R Hall of Fame.

Other David..(A).. I think you should be on Drake and Josh next season.

Syesha.. you did well. I still find you somewhat forgettable although you continue to do much better than I expect.

Jason.... jason jason jason.. To be honest.. I didn't see that it was as bad as the judges said. I was glad you sang Marley, although I wish you sang Three Little Birds.. and you can't go wrong with Dylan if you're a folky-singer-songwriter type. I think the judges have just decided that you don't fit the mold. I don't like you as much as I like David Cook.. but I can definitely see hanging out at the beach with you playing the guitar and singing while we make s'mores over a campfire. Maybe that's not American Idol "material".. I'd still hang with you..

Sally.. (this is a question to a friend and not a recap of her performance last night).. I think I'm going to torture shiela and try watching So You Thing You Can Dance.. i'm not ready for the idol season to end this year.. idol has provided a nice mindless weekly detox night for me that is perfectly timed... I may never know all of the characters on Buffy.. but I'll give this a whirl!.. btw.. thanks for the shoes for Ben! They are great!

It's 9:10pm and Benjamin is still eating dinner.. is that bad?

I have some new pics.. they are uploading right now.. so check back soon for new fauxhawk tub shots and a picture of Ben smiling WITHOUT his bink.. I also have to brag about my awesome roadside "find" today.

I currently have the song from the musical "Wicked" called "Popular" going through my head. I have such a high threshold for liking people (i.e. i tend to shy away from most).. that it takes someone special for me to be me. I work on it in therapy every week.. how to get rid of the "happy jen facade".. it's annoying. Anyway.. I can count the friends (and family) that I feel like i'm myself around on my hands with a few toes thrown in if i'm going to add family to the list. The Snick-ster (see Title) is one of THE most popular people on the internet that I've ever known. We met in real life.. which is odd.. normally I meet people online and THEN become friends in the real world.. go figure! It just so happened that I linked up, quite accidentally, with a wicked cool mom of two of ben's friends... and when she links to my blog from her blog.. magic happens!

My count jumped for 4-9 site visits a day from mostly those family and friends that I have fingers and toes for.. to over a friggin thousand! CRAZY! I love it.. it's like that country song by Brad Paisley.. I'll have to see if I can find the video on youtube...

Thanks Snickollet.. for putting me in the spotlight for a day and a half.. for being a wicked cool friend.. and for putting up with me calling you popular every time i see you.. btw.. your kids were a riot this morning when I dropped ben off.. too cute!