Ok.. This isn't a political blog. I hate debating (or opening myself up to debates) on a few subjects.. politics and religion top the list. I enjoy having discussions about said topics, but I dread things getting confrontational.. even if it's supposed to be "all in good fun".

So.. although I'm sure you're all disappointed.. I'm not going to ramble on and on about my political views, which are just about as wacked and convoluted as my religious views. I have trouble taking sides.. I tend to vote based on the issues and not based on the party affiliation. Go figure.

All that aside, I just can't help but sit in amazement of Sarah Palin's ride to the VP spot. I absolutely LOVE this. This isn't anything new, but I found this FICTIONAL Sarah Palin Quote Generator.. I just can't get enough. It cracks me up.

Tonight she will head off against Biden in the one and only VP debate. I'm practically giddy.

Well.. the poor little guy had another seizure earlier this evening. Both Ben and I were sick last week.. me more than Ben. He was still a little off over the weekend and today.. not specifically sick.. just not acting totally like himself.

Today was a typical Monday.. I was home from work and Ben and I ran some errands (and ran into someone) this morning and then it was home for naptime. I built an awesome train setup while Ben was sleeping (I have pictures if I can get around to uploading them). When he woke up from his nap, it was like Christmas morning. He saw the train setup and giggled and laughed and clapped. He played well for a while. I noticed that his eyes never lost that "I just woke up" haze.

Shiela had a doctor's appointment downtown this afternoon, so Ben and I piled into the car and drove down to meet her. While we were waiting for her, Ben dozed in his carseat. Not the norm after a 3 hour nap. Not the norm with his eyes at half-mast.

We watched him closely as we drove home. We had done this before.. why does his temp decide to spike when we're in the CAR. It's probably because we're driving around at 4:30pm when a kid's temp is the most likely to start jumping up for the evening. ugh!

He got warmer and warmer and kept yawning. As we got closer to our neighborhood I stepped on the gas. Ben giggled as we hit a few bumps in the car (at least we weren't hitting any other cars this time). We got home and ran him upstairs where I went to strip him down and change his diaper/check his temp and shiela grabbed the motrin. After we got that into him, we moved out to the living room. his temp was at 103.2'F.

Shiela sat with him in the rocker while I went to crush up one of his Klonopin (anti-seizure med) and mix it with some jello. He took that down fine (along with several bites of jello sans med. Then he snuggled against shiela and we watched and waited. We do think that the Motrin and Klonopin helped, but in the end he did end up having a seizure still. We were both watching him and shiela was holding him and said that she felt a rush of warmth as his temp spiked up even more and then he got really still. I pinched his shoulder in a way that one of the original neurologists showed me to test to see if he was responsive. He wasn't. It only lasted a few seconds. Just long enough for shiela to stand up to bring him somewhere to lay him down and he was already starting to fuss. The seizure had broken as quickly as it started.

We called his pediatrician. He'll be going in tomorrow for a checkup to see if he's got a virus brewing or if his ears are acting up. We'll be doing the Motrin/Tylenol rounds through the night to keep his temperature down until we get in to see the doc. We'll also keep the Klonopin coming. We're supposed to give that up to 3 times per day while he has a temperature and is at risk for a fever induced seizure (regardless of if we're calling them febrile seizures or epileptic fever-induced seizures).

All in all.. we did well. Ben was wobbly and irritable for a while... but he played well this evening after the seizure and even had some dinner and some milk from his tippy. He's asleep now. We'll be waking him up in about 2 hours for his next Motrin dose.

Shiela and I exchanged a high-five once we were comfortable that we had moved past the "seizure zone" and Ben's temp was coming down and he was acting more like himself. I'm sure it will always be a nerve wracking experience.. seeing your child sick just doesn't get easier.. but it does help to understand what is going on and to feel like we can help him and make him feel better.

I REALLY want to watch a disaster movie on the TV in our bedroom while I doze off to sleep. Hmmm.. that goes against the no-tv-in-the-bedroom rule. Did I honestly only make it one night? I'll let you know tomorrow!

As I've mentioned before, we are of the full-disclosure opinion when it comes to how to raise a child who was conceived with a little help from friends. Well, that's not our story.. but I felt the need to throw in some lyrics for some reason.. I guess I'm feeling all Moulin Rouge this morning after crashing the car again.

Anyway.. last night we were on our way to dinner with my mom, sisters and my niece and nephew. My nephew is 8 and he came in our car with us. We're way cooler that his mom. The drive to the restaurant (when I'm not crashing into things) is only about 10 minutes). Like a typical 8 year old (at least in our family), he talked the whole way. At one point he was talking about/to Ben and said something about "ben will never have a father.." Shiela picked up on it quicker than I did. She did a quiet half-head-turn and said "of course he does, sweetie.. all people have both a mother and a father." He said "really?". I said "yes.. we don't know his name, but he wanted to help families like ours". He said "oh.. I didn't know that". And that was that.. he launched into another discussion about Nerf dart launchers.

Children are amazing. (btw.. beck.. forgot to tell you about this before we left.. so heads-up.. you may get a question or two.. *grin*)

Shiela and I have come to the conclusion that we do the majority of our "serious" talking during the 2 hour trips down to Connecticut and back. Since my parents have moved, we are making that jaunt less, and are therefore having fewer "serious" talks. By "serious".. I don't mean bad.. I just mean talking about us as individuals and as a couple and a family and what we like, don't like, etc, etc, etc. Time tends to fly by and we all continue to grow up in some ways and it sure helps a marriage when you coordinate things once in a while.

Life with a toddler is hectic. Life with two cats and a toddler is hectic. Life with two full time jobs, two cats and a toddler is hectic. We look forward to sleep.. but then when the time comes, we can't sleep. We embrace every second that we spend with our son (even while wrangling him into time out) and occasionally remember to embrace one another during this journey.

In short, we are probably two of the most in-sync people I've known.. we laugh ALL the time. I absolutely love spending time with Shiela and Ben (and the cats).

The topic of conversation last night, on our drive back from CT.. hit a number of topics, but one of those was the fact that we're flat out all of the time and it feels like we're barely keeping our heads above water in just about all aspects of our life. Work is work; nuff said. The time we're not working we spend grasping for time with each other and our son and trying to keep up with laundry (which is what I should be doing now instead of blogging) and dishes and the cat litter. Throw in a presidential election and some stirrings of current financial.. um.. what does Bush call them.. oh yeah.. "adjustments".. and we wake up running and fall into bed at night surprised that we're all still intact.

We decided to try a few things.

1. We're going to go on a real Date (capital "D") at least twice a month. This will include getting a babysitter and doing something other than going to a movie and spending two hours in silence. We can still go to movies.. but those don't count as "us" time. This will be time to spend together doing something that one or both of us enjoy (we're pretty in sync on these types of things anyway) and allowing ourselves to sort of check in with each other during a time when we're not responsible for doing any housework and the phone isn't ringing and Ben isn't losing his mind while we're calmly trying to wrestle him into his carseat after a trip to Target.. you know the scene.. that kid throwing a FIT and the parents saying quietly "please honey.. don't do that". I always walked by those families thinking "man.. MY kid wouldn't act like THAT". Uh... what the heck ever, man. Now when I see those families I stop and look at the parents and can see one familiar thing. EXHAUSTION.

2. Shiela and I have decided that the TV in our bedroom is not for TV. I've had that TV since I was about 15 and it has lived a good life. It is a boat anchor and we've gotten into such a habit of turning on something.. anything.. as background sound/light, while we try to detox from the day and work toward sleep. Occasionally we'll watch a movie or something, but usually it's just some random documentary or the second half of some 80's movie that we half pay attention to. At some point, usually in the wee hours of the morning, one of us digs the remote out from under the covers and will shut the stupid thing off. No more TV in bed. If we want to watch TV.. we have a perfectly good TV in the living room. end of story.

as an update to this one.. we tried this last night and it was VERY relaxing. shiela seemed to fall asleep better than I did.. i felt like I was awake forever and i kept checking on ben and having to pee. but eventually I did fall asleep and the world didn't come to an end.

3. We're going to try something new. One night a week we're going to have a family night, which, in itself.. isn't that new of an idea. The twist that we're adding to shake it up a bit is that it's a "lights out" family night. No electricity.. when the sun goes down, it gets dark. We'll light candles (we'll buy candles that we can keep toddler proof) and no TV, no radio, no computer. Anything else is fair game.. we can cook, we can read/play/whatever. But it will be like we lost electricity without things in the fridge going bad and the phones not working. Don't worry.. I'll blog about it. I can't guarantee that the pictures will be any good by candlelight.. but I'll give it a whirl.

Now.. big group hug...

Ok.. I'm going to the next town meeting. Living off of Mass Ave is just fine.. 99.8% of the time. There needs to be a "no emergency vehicle sirens on Mass Ave between 11am and 1pm". They wake the baby up. URGH

Hi guys..

I like to write. I have a subset of this blog that I've just written my first post to. It is a review of Thomas the Train products and a discussion of the brand in general. It is located on a separate site because I would like to keep this one clean from anything but an occasional reference to a review if I think it's particularly entertaining. I will probably put a link to the site up from this blog at some point if I find the energy.

As an aside, I'm being weird.. I know. I'm not getting paid to write any reviews. If I am given the opportunity, I'll be sure to note that, but for now I'm doing it for fun.. just to share some of my experiences with other parents. Hope you enjoy.

Thomas the Tank Engine post on Two Moms and a Baby - Product Reviews

OH MY GAWD! The kids are going to kill me for this at some point (probably around their junior prom when they stumble across it during a history class on the internet prior to the great fall of the US economy). I can't stop laughing...

On that note.. Snick.. when are we going to have a High School Musical watching par-tay.. I need to squeeze in on your busy social calendar for an ice-cream night.. :)

I have a new reader.. Melissa. Hi Melissa! I don't typically call out new readers because.. well.. that would make for a darned boring blog. The funny thing is that sometimes a commenter will get my attention and I'll check out their blog. It's how the blogging world turns, you see.

Well as it turns out, Melissa's blog is also called "two moms and a baby" although subtle differences can be found in that #1, she doesn't use caps in her header and I do and #2, she and her partner, Andrea are two different moms with an entirely different child (Ambrose.. LOVE the name, Melissa!). So all in all.. even though you might be duped into thinking that we're writing the same blog and that the content may be the same.. it's really like a Diet Coke versus Diet Pepsi sorta thing.

My solution to this challenge? I'll start reading their blog.

Maybe we have something here. I'm going to make a list of all the blogs that I read that are about two moms and a baby. I'm going to bet that all the moms are different and all the children are like snowflakes..

Oh my god.. I'm laughing so hard I think I cracked a rib. My son is looking at me like I'm a total goofball.. why would someone laugh so hard while sitting at the computer?

Here ya go...

Time for Some Campaignin'

(btw.. my ad service seems to like my posts.. they just linked to the Kentucky post and I've been getting a zillion hits.. so to any new readers.. HI.. i normally post about scraping cheerios off of Thomas tracks and the woes of having a kid going through a growth spurt and polishing off our organic-delivered-from-a-local-farm-in-glass-bottles milk a whole 3 days before their next delivery.)

At the request of Giovanna, I am now "following" her blog in hopes that she will also "follow" mine. Since I went through the incredibly challenging effort to modify my blog to include this widget, I hope that all of my faithful readers will scroll down on the right side to where it says "Stalkers" and add yourself to the list! If you don't have a blog.. you should have one.. it cathartic. Plus you get to feel popular when people stalk you.. it's rare in today's society. If I only have 2 stalkers by next week, I'll probably blow this script away because I don't want to show my advertisers that my friends don't like me enough to be included on my blog.

Or whatever. *hair flip* (oh wait.. i don't have flippable hair anymore.. doh!)

Gio posted a few days ago (or it could have been this morning) about her plans for the large amounts of cash that she expects to pull in with the BlogHer ads on her blog. I thought I'd share my plans. (btw.. I linked to her site above so that she could benefit from my vast reader base.. you know.. my mom.. my sister.. it totally ads up after a while)

Simple.

Nikon D60 Digital SLR Camera.



So far I've racked up $1.00 through my ad campaign.. I'm SO CLOSE to getting this camera! Only $898.99 (plus tax) left to save!!!

I've made some progress. Last night.. no Ghost Hunters for Ben. We stuck to Sprout and watched a few episodes of Thomas and Elmo's World. He even read some Bob the Builder books to me. I had a bad headache and Shiela was stuck in traffic from hell.. so Ben and I were on our own for a bit after work. This normally isn't a problem. Unfortunately my headache short circuited my brain function and I totally forgot that there was supposed to be a meal called "dinner". Shiela called at about 7:20 to say she was getting close to home and Ben was going NUTS in the background. I then realized what time it was and that I hadn't fed him yet. doh! He was in an incredibly good mood after he downed about half of the contents of our kitchen.

Ok.. this would piss me off regardless.. but I think it pisses me off MORE because my parents live in this backwards state (oh wait.. that comment is going to get me slammed by my ever-so-loyal Kentucky reader-base.. not).

Just yesterday I was talking to Shiela about my blog and was saying that "I don't have a hook".. she laughed and said "of course you do.. the gay thing.. it sort of grabs people's attention". The thing is.. i FORGET about it. Yeah.. I named the blog "Two Moms and a Baby".. it was a gimic and i admit that. On a day to day basis.. it honestly doesn't cross my mind that I'm gay or that I'm in a same-sex marriage or that my wife and i have a child. I also do not consider that beautiful little boy to be more "mine" than "hers" because I gave birth to him. If anything, my pregnancy and childbirth, not to mention the 4 years of infertility treatments, was harder on Shiela than it was on me. Add to it that she stepped up and took care of BOTH of us for the first 4ish months while I struggled with Post Partum Depression and I think that ANYONE who even has the audacity to believe that we're both not Benjamin's parents should be shot and quartered (isn't that what they call it in Kentucky?). Geez.

Anyway.. my comment about not having a "hook" was funny because I don't consider my blog to be a "gay parenting blog".. it's just a "mom blog". I am somewhat sheltered, living in Massachusetts, where we can not only be legally married, but where my wife's name was, by law, included on Benjamin's birth certificate. Ok.. I'm going to post this and then run to change my comment moderation settings so that I don't get hammered by Sarah Palin supporters.

Read this article..

Kentucky Forbids Same-Sex Stepparents

Posted using ShareThis

Ok all you grandparents and aunts and uncles out there.. Ben wants one of these T-shirts for his birthday or for Christmas. Do me a favor and coordinate between yourselves so that we don't get 12 of them. :)



Edited to add: He's in a 3T :)

Ok.. so I occasionally (hey shiela.. look.. i spelled it right!).. have aspirations of being a super-mom. See below.



Sometimes.. just sometimes. I get it REALLY wrong.

Last night was one example. Ben went to bed at 7:50pm. At 8pm, Shiela and I started watching the two consecutive episodes of Ghost Hunters that comes on SciFi every Wednesday night. We look forward to this. We buy Ben&Jerry's ice cream. We invite these 21st century "Ghostbusters" into our home for a cheap scare. It's sort of like watching the antiques roadshow.

Case A. - Antiques roadshow. A mid-50's homemaker comes in with a stool that has been passed down for thousands of years in her family that can be traced back to Jesus himself. She waits in anxious anticipation for the antiques "expert" to discuss the "piece" and give the.. *gasp*.. anticipated price that the "piece" would go for at auction. When the "expert" says "well.. if your great grand father hadn't fixed the leg.. it would be work $4 billion dollars.. but since it was fixed, I would estimate that you could receive as much as $4.50 at auction..." The homemaker has a classic "doh..." expression on her face. You know.. you've seen it.

Case B. - Ghost Hunters. A family with children call the team to investigate the paranormal experiences that they have been having in their home. One child has claimed to see a ghost-child with black eyes, nose and mouth and squiggly black arms staring him down in his playroom. The TVs turn on and off. The toys turn themselves on in the middle of the night. The father saw a shadow of a boy in the dark hallway outside his room. Scary shit.. right? The TAPS team sets up their equipment and investigates. At the "reveal" (that's what they call it when they sit down with the homeowner to go over their findings).. the tell the trashy looking mother that they found zip.. nada.. no ghost. No strange EVP recordings (yes.. we watch this show far too often).. nothing. Sucks to be you man.. you're on national cable tv and they just debunked your house. The homemaker has a classic "doh..." expression on her face.

Ok.. now that I've set the scene.. let's talk about how my mother-of-the-year aspirations were flushed down the proverbial toilet last night.

Ben takes longer than usual to fall asleep. After he threw all of his binkies (yes.. i said "all") and his "guys" (stuffed animals) and his blankets out of his crib.. and then started yelling "uh oh..." at the top of his lungs for the oh.. third or forth time in ten minutes. We decided that he probably would like some milk.

I go and get him.. bring him into the living room where the rocking chair now lives.. and he downs a tippy of nice cold milk. He hands it back to me. I'm watching the show. I had a fleeting thought of "SciFi probably isn't appropriate for him.. but it's at the end of the show and they found nothing.. so it's not like there will be screaming or anything". Well.. Ben put one arm over his eyes and used the other to wave around spastically trying to convey the fact that he DID NOT want to watch mommys' show. It still didn't sink in. Shiela says.. "uh.. i think he doesn't like it". lord. well duh.. of course he doesn't like it.. the only tv he watches is Thomas the Tank Engine, Seseme Street and various shows on Sprout.. no friggin SciFi channel! Definitely not Ghost Hunters!

Luckily it didn't seem to sink in at all and when I put him back in his crib he smiled and grabbed a few binkies and turned right over. What a good kid. I'm trying my best not to ruin him.

As an aside.. this picture was leaked to the press, officially eliminating me from the Mother-of-the-Year running..

Facebook.

It is the "These are the days of your life" website. What is the draw? Why do I feel like I'm missing out on something if I don't check it daily? What is the point?

So many questions.

Ok.. so here are a few for you.

1. Have you set up a Facebook profile? (and if so -- are you my friend yet?)
2. How many "friends" do you have?
3. Of those "friends".. how many do you actually know IRL (that means "in real life", mom)
4. Would you let your child create a Facebook profile?
5. How old would said child need to be before creating such a profile?
6. Do you have an opinion about Scrabulous? (do you know what that is?)
7. What are some of the groups that you participate in?

Ok.. so my answers...

Yes, I have a profile. My younger sister, Amy, talked me into it quite a while back. When I created it.. the only people I could find online were her and a few cousins that are in their early 20's... oh.. and my Uncle Bob. That guy is hip, I tell ya!

I currently have 71 friends.. all of which are people that I have at least met in real life.. There is only one person on there that can honestly say that she doesn't really KNOW me.. I just stalk her because I love her music. There are people that I've added that are family members (including Bob).. my wife is on there.. my sister.. 3.. count them, one. two. three. of my ex's. Several people that I went to high school with, including the captain of the football team who is now a southern baptist preacher with two adorable little girls.

Ben won't be allowed to go on the internet until he's 32. I have a feeling that Facebook profiles will be like totally old school by the time he's in Kindergarten and they are getting class update by txt message. My niece's swim coach had great plans of keeping the class up to date on things through Facebook. That would require my sister allowing her 14 year old, freshman in high school, to create a profile. Yeah.. not. Actually.. I'm not sure how that worked out.. beck..?

I am still quite irritated by the Scrabulous incident.

Some of the groups that I belong to include:

"I don't care how comfortable Crocs are, you look like a dumbass"
"I secretly want to punch slow walking people in the back of the head"
"When I was your age, Pluto was a planet"
"The League - an internet series" (check this one out.. Jimbo is a college friend)
"Unlike 99.99% of the Facebook population, I was born in the 70s"
"Why yes, I do frequently burst out in song"
"University of Hartford Alumni Association" (i know.. how boring)
"But you don't look sick"
"I use my cell phone to see in the dark"

and of course...

"I have more foreign policy experience than Sarah Palin"

Over the past year, we've become very good friends with another daycare family. You may have heard of them.. Snickollet and her twins. Over the past few weeks, Ben has started calling Maddie and Riley "by name". "By name", I mean, he calls them "Ya-Ya". Yesterday, on our way to pick up Shiela from work, we passed the train station and he said "Mamom?" and then a bit later in the same drive we were in traffic next to a the same make/model/color car that Snickollet drives. It took me FOREVER to figure out why Ben was going nuts yelling for "YA YA!!!". This morning.. when we drove up the hill to school.. Ben pops his binky out and says, in an excited voice, "Ya ya?".

At some point, Riley will belt Ben for calling him Ya Ya... at least when they get to high school. Of course, this would be contingent on Riley and Maddie starting to call Ben something other than "Baby". When Ben started at daycare, the twins were about 10 months old and Ben was "the baby" in the group. As they started to find words, Ben became "baby". I became "baby mama" and shiela became "baby other mama". Both kids now will say Ben.. and occasionally will call me Jen and the wife Shiela.. but more often than not.. we are "baby", "baby mama" and "baby other mama"..

I don't think I'm ready for these three to grow up quite yet.. so... here we go with some Then-and-Now photographs. Thanks to Ting Ting for taking the school pictures that are mixed in with the bunch!

Benny "Cheeks" Hinckley - June 07



Maddie "feeding" Ben - August 07



Riley and Ben - August 07



Madeline and Ben - August 07



Benji and his favorite babysitter - January 08



Ben showing enthusiasm - January 08



The three amigos - January 08



Maddie and Ben Chillin' - August 08



Riley and Maddie sharing Ben's toys...



Ben sharing his toys with Riley and Maddie...



Two Ya-Yas and a Baby - June 08

Ok.. scratch the girl crush on Jennie Garth (well.. just put it on the back burner for a few minutes). I've been hearing about the SNL skit with Tina Fey (awesome rockin comedian) impersonating Sarah Palin. I hadn't watched it until this morning. Here is a link to the NBC clip (you may need to watch an ad about toothpaste or buicks before the actual clip starts).. be sure to watch the whole thing.. it just keeps getting funnier. It's even funnier if you've heard Sarah Palin speak.. Tina really nailed not only the visual impersonation but also Palins speech and body language.. friggin hysterical!

"digital natives". That's what academia is calling the generation of children who have grown up with all of the digital gadgets that we have now.. cell phones, computers, digital cameras, ipods.. my 20 month old even knows how to turn on Guitar Hero for the Wii. I am serious.

Anyway.. this morning, Ben and Shiela went to the Library. Here is a picture that she sent me as they headed out. The picture was taken with her cell phone.. txt'd to me.. and i forwarded it to my online flickr account and then linked it to my blog. How's that for fancy. Here's the pic of our little guy.

Hi guys..

I managed to squeeze in with BlogHerAds and will have some new ads running on this site in a few days. I had given Google a whirl, but their program bites in just about every sense of the word. While I don't have a hit count that could really turn around any meaningful money.. I figure that it really can't hurt and heck.. if my readers keep telling their friends about this kooky mom with the red headed kid and another mom to share the parenting experience with... maybe i'll be able to quit my 9-5 job.

Not.

Anyway.. I'm going to have to change the format of my site a little to comply with the companies requirements.. no biggie though.. it's all part of being so mainstream. i'm one of the cool kids now.. watch out world!

As an aside.. I think that the reason they allowed me in their "club" when they aren't officially accepting new bloggers is because I know Snick. It must be. All the cool kids know Snick.

(of course.. snickollet has to remember to post even though she's swooning over her new friend)

Shiela and I have some pretty strong views about the idea of pre-school. Exposure to education and socialization is so critical.. but what about letting a kid be a kid? I'm not sure if it is like this everywhere in the country, but in the Boston area.. at least among my group of peers, pre-school is THE item to talk about once you've moved past moms bashing moms over issues like working outside the home or working from home or staying with the kid or.. you get the picture. It took about a year or so for everyone to stop discussing THAT. Now everyone is buzzing about pre-school.

Shiela and I had every intent to start Ben in pre-school some time before he started in Kindergarten. That's about as far as we have thought it and have done absolutely nothing to put the subject onto the front burner.

Ben goes to a family daycare 3 days a week. It used to be 4 days a week before I started my abridged (some call it sane) work schedule. It will be 4 days again at some point. We managed to find a family that has become part of our own. I didn't think it would happen. I figured that I would look for a place that made me feel as safe as I would if he was at my mom's old daycare.. but I never thought I'd find a place where I feel like he *IS* being cared for by family.

We lucked out. Not only are they awesome caregivers, but they have opened our eyes to things we had never planned on deliberately exposing Ben to. He is bilingual. He understands spanish as well, if not better than, english. He also signs. He has great social skills (aside from the hitting thing). Things are great.

Our daycare has recently split to have two main groups.. the infant group and the preschool group. Ben is on the young side for the preschool. Eventually they will be 2.5 yrs and up. Right now most of the kids are in the 2.25 yrs and up bracket. Ben is 20 months old (almost 21!). The main provider, who is in charge of the preschool "classes", has been Ben's primary care giver during mom-working-hours since he was 4 months old. When they decided to make this change of structure at the daycare, she came to us and asked if it would be ok to have Ben with the "older kids". She wanted him with her. The other providers are more than competant and are wonderful people.. she just wants Ben with her. Part of this is because of his history of seizures. It's also because she thinks he'll gain more from being exposed to the activities of the older kids than being downstairs in the infant area watching kids chew on elmo dolls.

Anyway.. for Ben, "school" has started gradually over the last two weeks. Yesterday and today were the first consecutive days that he spent in the school. They did projects, sang songs, played games, followed directions.. they even slept on "big kid" nap mats and ate their lunch and snacks without high chairs. Ben did GREAT. When I picked him up yesterday he was in an AWESOME mood. He took a 2.5 hr long nap (he usually naps for about an hour at daycare). He was a dream last night as we ran some errands and then he settled down for a full night of sleep at home.

I woke up to him saying "Mommyyyyy". My big guy. Of course.. when I went in to get him, he had three binkys and was dancing to the music from his old mobile. He's still my little baby. :)

I took this picture last weekend during a playdate that Ben had with a few of his friends. Later.. looking over my photos.. this one caught my eye. When I look at this picture.. I see a little boy. Not my toddler.. not my chubby infant.. not my stringbean preemie.. a little boy. He reminds me of my nephew, Adam.. not sure what it is about his expression in this photo.. but it's definitely Adam. I'm going to have to look over my photos of my nephew to find one to compare the two.

Of course.. this, and many other "big changes" have been a reminder that our little man is growing up. QUICKLY. It is so hard to reconcile the fact that he's ALMOST two years old with the feeling that he's been in our lives forever. The two don't match.

Shiela and I are tired. Without a question. Shiela and I recently celebrated the 8 year mark of the day we met online. That, in combination with the fact that today is 9/11.. another year past.. is a stark reminder to how fragile and short life is. We spent 4 years trying to have a baby.. it felt like a lifetime. That baby has been in our lives, in utero then in person, for almost 3 years. 3 years that have passed in the blink of an eye.

Or maybe it's because we're so tired.

90210 was on again last night. The same episode as Tuesday.. just a repeat. I watched it. I loved it. Yes.. life in the Hinckley house is about to start including lots of Beverly Hills slang.. like.. whatever...

This little tidbit about myself may seem surprising.. at least to those of you who don't completely grasp what a dork I am (and obviously always have been)..

Remember this?



For the first four seasons, i taped every episode of 90210. Not only did I tape them, but I editted out all of the commercials. For you kids, back in my day, tivo was something you drank with a scone and you recorded television on these huge plastic things called "tapes". The artform came with learning how a broadcasting station linked the show to the commercials so that you could hover over the pause button and seamlessly cut the commercials from each episode. This is a labor of love.

As the years went by, my interest in the show faded a bit. I was never a fan of the post high school years, although there will always be a special place in my heart for luke perry and of course.. jennie garth.

On Tuesday of this week, the NEW 90210 on The CW (for those of you not in the know.. this is a rockin channel that used to be "The WB" but they wanted to confuse us by changing the letters up on us.. if memory serves, the original 90210 was out way before The WB's days (ahh.. dawson's creek).. I believe it was originally on Fox. ANYWAY.. here is the trailor to the new show:



Shiela, Ben and I watched the premiere. Shall I say.. it was marvelous! It was just as cheesy and campy as the original and I loved every minute of it! (at least when I wasn't feeling really really sick.. but that's another story) While watching the antics of the high school crowd was enough to convince us to home school Ben, I found myself completely drawn to the older crowd.

Seriously.. was Jennie Garth always that hot? I now have a total girl crush on her. I was WAY more interested in her story with her son and the cute literature teacher than I was with the punk kids that all needed to be grounded for life.

Here is "THE SCENE".. the first time Jennie and Shannon (we're on a first name basis.. after all, we've known each other for like 15+ years).. anyway.. the first time they have played their "Kelly and Brenda" roles since they fought over Luke Perry and ended up saying really bad things to one another and holding an uber-grudge over the whole ordeal. Seriously.. Jennie Garth is friggin hot.



Now what am I going to do until next Tuesday?

Thanks to my good ol' pal WhataCard, I just received my very first blog award. Here it is.. in all it's glory.. the BFF Gold Card Award. Thank you WAC!




Here are the rules:

Rules: You may choose 5 awardees

Choose 4 faithful readers of your blog.

1 should be someone new or someone far away.

So without further bling... here are my choices:

#1 - The Kappel Family - This mom and I go way back to our college days a few decades ago. Her blog is a great combination of family updates and nose-your-pop funny stories (often one in the same as the family updates). Hey hick.. note that I said "pop" instead of "soda".. that was for you mid-western folk!

#2 - Moo's Moo - This mom cracks me up and not only is a regular reader of my blog (i.e. an instant BFF blogger).. but also is uninhibited enough to share that she peed in a subway cup over the weekend. Now THAT is happenin' blog content!

#3 - Amazing Trips - This mom of 4 started out as a message board friend and morphed into a blogger friend. She conceived her triplets while I was trying for my first.. ironically, she posted about her experiences in the NICU with the three babies JUST a week or so before Ben made his arrival 4+ weeks early. While our experience couldn't compare to her time with her children in the NICU.. having just read her blog, I was much more at ease with the NICU as I made myself at home there for Ben's short stay. I knew what to expect because she spent a HUGE chunk of time to share every detail of her stay. I'm still so very thankful for that. Now.. she has a fourth child to even out the mix.. and I'm in awe of her and her husband's sanity.

#4 - Mochimochi - Ok.. so this is totally unrelated and just shows that i'm well rounded.. or something.

#5 - Life at Number 14 - This is a blog that I've just started reading. This mom stumbled on my blog quite by accident, but that link led me to her blog which is flippin hysterical. I look forward to hearing an update about the pink nipple cream.

Congrats to you all.. don't party too hard..

As I was leaving the house this morning, I closed the front door behind me and reached for my keys to press the "lock" button twice. I was surprised when the car horn beeped from the driveway. I guess I thought that our house went keyless overnight. I hate that technology can't keep up with me.

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Today is the 8 year "anniversary" of the day Shiela and I met on the internet. I told her that I loved her 4 days later and she almost puked and got sent home from work because she looked so ill. Ahh.. the good ol' days!

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I wrote the following to some friends the other day:

"ok.. i'm one to typically snap a photo of the random temper tantrums that ben will throw.. they don't rattle me.. i've often said to him "let me know when you've gotten your "mad" out and we can... [insert activity here]".

the past week has been hard. last monday was clearly the worst day, post seizure, regarding him screaming... even so.. he wasn't really himself for most of last week.. wobbly, confused.. things that could clearly be after effects of the seizure. his neurologist agreed. each day these problems have faded.. his sleep has returned to normal.. his eating has returned to normal.. his sense of humor has returned to normal.

one thing that hasn't returned is his episodes of what i can only call anger. one second he'll be fine and the next he'll have this wild dog look and will hit you with a force that i've never known a toddler to have. if you try to contain him, he will head butt you. if you put him down and move away from him he will hit or head butt whoever is closest. if no one is close, he will slam his head either into something or he will hit it with his hands. he usually ends up crying in a heap on the floor/crib/whatever and then will slowly start to play with something close by.. like a car or train.. and after about 10 minutes or so he'll be back up and like himself again.

we want to write these fits off as him slamming head first (poor choice of words) into the "terrible twos".. but i just can't make that jive given the "coincidence" of the seizure marking this change in behavior. his neurologist said that it is common for children (and adults) to experience a lot of anger after a seizure.. this can last for a while. he thought that this could just be a temporary thing (like the fact that he was wobbly on his feet and his balance returned to normal a few days later). he said that he wouldn't expect any permanent brain damage from a seizure lasting less than a half hour, but that this type of damage would show up in developmental and/or behavioral changes. uh.. yeah.. not exactly helping.

there's always the lurking autism worry, but usually these fits are specifically driven at being angry with someone or directing general anger toward someone. he stares you right in the eye before he head butts you. he also grits his teeth.

i had a long talk with his daycare provider this morning. they have been struggling with him as well and i'm very very lucky that they understand the issue (as much as we do anyway) and they aren't reacting with a disciplinarian reaction.. they consider it to be more of a medical issue and want to keep him and the other kids safe while he has his episodes. yesterday he would start hitting the older kids but then would move on to the babies. they would separate him and/or hold him, but there were several times where he would end up hitting his head against the floor or wall/door. they ended up putting him in a stroller that he could thrash in but there wasn't anything really hard to hit against.

*SIGH*

we are calling his pediatrician and his neurologist this morning and will go from there."

We saw our pediatrician that night and he told us in no uncertain terms, "I'm so sorry.. this will be difficult to handle.. you are the mothers of a perfectly normal 20 month old..."

He did leave a little bit of an open door regarding the behavioral changes given his seizure patterns, but in general he thinks that the kid is absolutely normal. good grief! how long will this last?! *laff*

Ok.. I don't know whether to be mortified or not. I think the answer to this one is a resounding "YES".

It's bad enough that I get doctors and nurses at local emergency rooms saying "oh.. hi.. I've taken care of you before, right?".. but when Ben was at Children's last week one of the nurses took one look at him and said "oh.. i remember you!"

*twitch*

ok.. so I just called my pharmacy to get some refills on my regular meds. No biggie, right? It's over THE PHONE. After I give my list of meds and the woman gets the info into the computer and says "they should be ready in 20 minutes" (which translates into "don't come for at least an hour...")... then she says. get this. ready? "how's the baby?"

How's the baby?

I said.. "um... what?"

She then went on to say "Ben.. the little redhead.. didn't he have a seizure?"

Well JE-SUS..

Ok.. So part of me wants to get a new pharmacy because I'm just creeped out that people know who we are.. but part of me knows that some people like that "ye olde towne" approach to customer service. I like anonymity. If you know me.. pretend you don't and everything will be right in my world.

Ok.. so i'm kidding a LITTLE.

It's not like we live in Shelbyville, KY (not to single a location out or anything).. there are more than 40,000 people on this 5 square mile postage stamp of a suburb outside of boston.. I'm sure, based on the chaos that occurs daily at this pharmacy's parking lot, that at least half of the town uses the same pharmacy. I don't stick out THAT much.


RIGHT?! (remember.. just pretend that you don't know me.) i'm gonna go pick up my kid.

Ok.. so a quick update on my kid's noggin...

We had an appointment with Dr F, who is a neurologist at Children's Hospital. He's been seeing ben since his first seizure almost 7 months ago. The appointment went great. Ben was in top form.. He was skeptical about getting weighed and measured, but sat quite still while getting his blood pressure taken and only hit me once after the nurse put the bubbles away.

Dr. F. agrees with us.. which is a good thing. It's always nice when a doctor says what you want them to. It's even better when you trust that they know what they are talking about. It's almost enough to make you think that YOU know what you're talking about. almost.

The general consensus is that Sunday's seizure was clearly febrile. Is there a chance that it was epileptic brought on by fever, of course.. but there is nothing specific to worry about. His first seizure is the only one that was clearly not associated with a fever.. but it WAS two weeks to the day from his MMR vaccination. I've done a LOT of reading and it seems that there is a slight (VERY slight) risk of febrile seizure in the two weeks following the MMR shot.. coincidence? i think not. The second seizure could easily be said to be at the onset of a fever.. no fever to warn us it was coming, but he had a fever for a week afterward while fighting off a virus.

We're pretty sure we have the answer for the cause of his fever over the weekend -- Roseola. His temp broke and like two days later, just like the textbooks say, he got a rash.

Now.. the questions is "what do we do now?"

Both shiela and i agree that we were worried about starting him on a daily anti-seizure medication. these meds are STRONG and we were concerned about any impact to his development. he's so young. we're also concerned about brain damage from the seizures. We decided going into it that if the doc recommended a daily treatment, we would take that info and run it by our pediatrician before starting him on a daily med. Our pediatrician can practically walk on water.

The visit went great. The doc read over his ER report and, in between tossing a ball across the room to ben, told us that he saw no reason to start him on a daily medication now. two of the three seizures have been febrile in nature and he thinks a daily medication is too much at this point. if he has one or two more, in particular, ones that aren't associated with fever.. then we'll talk about it again. For the moment, we've got a preventative med to give him when he has a temperature. This should keep him from having a seizure even if his temperature spikes. Of course, it doesn't help for seizures that are at the initial onset of the fever (no warning), but it's something to do instead of twiddling our thumbs looking at the clock waiting for it to happen (like Sunday).

In other news.. he weighed in at 26.5 lbs and 33.5 inches tall.. just about 50% for both height and weight. his head circumference is off the chart.. welcome to the family of big brainy heads, benji!!

My hit count has been down right shameful over the past few weeks. As a result, I have only one option.. to post pictures of Ben playing with Snickollet's kids. It's a sure fire way to get my blog flooded with visitors!

The kids had a wonderful time of swimming and playing with balloons. Here is a cutie picture of Riley.



I didn't have as much luck getting pictures of Maddie.. here is an example.. I can't tell you how many pics of the kids that I have where the balloon floated RIGHT in front of their faces as I was snapping the picture. I did snag Snick in this one though! BWA-HA-HA..



Here's my little man...

I saw this sitting on Shiela's end table last night when we were getting ready for bed. ugh...



Ok.. so I have a few more minutes and wanted to fill in some of the blanks from Ben's seizure over the weekend. I'll start with the basics.

On Sunday, Ben woke up with a fever. This wasn't entirely unexpected as he had been an absolute BEAR on Saturday, which typically means that he's not feeling well. We started him on the Motrin/Tylenol cycle (Motrin every 6 hrs with Tylenol every 6 hrs spaced 3 hrs apart.. so the Tylenol still has some kick when the Motrin starts to wear off). We stayed in for most of the day and did "the kid is sick" stuff like eating pedialyte pops and watching Thomas the Tank Engine on "repeat ad nauseum mode."

Around 3:30ish, we decided that we had to get out of the house. Ben had his last dose of Motrin at 2:30 and Shiela and I hadn't eaten yet. We opted for a drive and went up to Burlington where we stopped at Wendy's so I could get a frosty and Ben got some nuggets and then we headed over to Taco Bell so Shiela could get a burrito fix. On our way home, we both noticed that Ben's cheeks were starting to turn pink.

The closer we got to home the sicker he started looking. When we took him out of the car seat, he clearly had a temp again. This wasn't too uncommon as he had been running a temp of about 101 even with the Motrin/Tylenol.

When we got upstairs a minute or two later, he was burning up. I've never felt skin that hot. I took off to the bathroom to run the water in the tub and Shiela stripped him and met me in there. We took his temp by ear on the way into the tub.. it was 104. While we had the water warm.. his temp was so high that it hurt his skin and his whole body was instantly covered with chill bumps. It was heart breaking because he got so excited to see the tub and then was crushed because he felt so badly. We tried to make the tub thing work for at least a few minutes to try to get his temp down. We finally decided that it was too much for him and Shiela took him in a dry towel and walked him into his bedroom. By the time I got half dressed and into his room with them, we both knew it was coming.

We just looked at each other and one or the both of us said "he's going..". Shiela got him down on the twin bed in his room and rolled him to his side. She yelled "get the time".. I was already on my way into our bedroom to check the clock. Note to self: get clock for baby's room.

I should remember what time this all happened.. because I was timing the seizure. I couldn't tell you for the life of me when this happened between 4:30 and 5:30 pm. The next time I had a time check, it was 6pm and we were in the hospital.

For five minutes, we hovered over the baby as his entire body seized. While we've experienced this before, it is just as terrifying when you know what is going on and have directions for what to do. I took turns hovering over him and running around the house like a chicken with its head chopped off. I finished getting dressed, got my wallet, got both of our sets of keys, got Shiela's wallet, got his seizure kit, called 911...

As a side note. There are so many people that do not have a land line anymore. The trend is to use your cell phone as your primary and only phone.. it makes sense.. you spend a fortune on your service and coverage is typically fine around here (unless you have AT&T.. but that's a different rant).. why not ditch the ol' phone company's archaic system? We did for a while. At some point, we went back to having a land line and our cell phones.. redundant, but Shiela couldn't get me to stop losing my cell phone and/or keep it charged.

The one kicker in all of this is 911 service. We take it for granted. When you have a cell phone, you can call 911.. but you get connected to a service that then connects you to your local district which then will send out a unit for whatever you need. This is fine and dandy.. but it takes being transfered and talking a lot.. at least a lot during a time when you don't remember your middle name. I use 911 from my cell phone to report traffic accidents and even used it about a week ago to report that a mentally challenged young fellow decided he wanted to get into our car.. another long story.

When you're in SuperMoms adrenaline-rush mode.. this is too much. I picked up my land line (which we get through our cable provider.. so we did ditch the phone company in the grand scheme of things) and said "my son is having a seizure" and the operator said "ok ma'am, a unit is on their way". simple as that. I stayed on the line to answer one question.. "how old is he".. i responded "19 months".. the operator responded "thank you.. would you like to stay on the line until they arrive?" I said "no thanks.." and that was that. I didn't need to know my street address, town name.. i didn't even have to give her my name.. they had the info they needed.. the security of having this service available is worth the $26.95 per month phone charge.

Ok.. now back to my story..

I called 911 at about 3 minutes. By 4 minutes we were breaking into his seizure kit. By 5 minutes Shiela was administering the Diastat and counting like they told us to in the video tutorial. This was the first time we had needed to use it. The seizure broke within seconds. He looked up at us with a confused expression and opened and stretched his mouth.. I'm sure it hurt.. at a minimum he had been grinding his teeth harder than I thought was physically possible.. but we also believe he chomped the inside of his cheek a bit.. not enough to bleed, thankfully.

After the seizure he was completely limp and very lethargic. He drifted in and out of sleep. I ran downstairs as the police and fire units arrived. Just after them was the ambulance. Between those three vehicles, the street was totally blocked up with flashing lights.

The whole crew followed me upstairs to ben's room where Shiela was waiting with him. Since the seizure had broken, they just needed to establish his vitals and get him moving to the hospital.

I rode with him in the ambulance again. They strapped me down to the gurney and then wrapped the two of us together and off we went. They got him rigged with oxygen just in case another seizure started. They also checked his blood sugar. Then it was just the ride.. from Arlington (suburn northwest of Boston) downtown to the Children's Hospital. We flew through traffic which parted like butter on a hot day (um.. maybe I've been typing too long.. I can't believe I just typed that)..

At the hospital.. it was pretty routine. At least when you've done this twice before. I held him while he cried and I tried to speak over his cries to get all of the important information to the nurses and doctors and registration staff while they all checked him over. Shiela arrived shortly after we did and was there to play tag-team-mommies. Ben would want one of us.. then the other... then the other... repeat this for several hours.

The biggest challenge of our ER visit was the fact that they needed to rule out whether he had an ear infection or not. This is a bit more challenging when both ears were impacted with wax. They ended up having to go in and clean out his ears, which was painful and confusing for him and just heart wrenching for us. Once they had ruled out infections, we were left to wait... wait for it to be time for more Motrin.. wait for the neurologist.. watch the olympics... play with the pink plastic puke buckets.. rinse the binky for the 1203rd time after it gets chucked across the room. Occasionally.. he would sleep.





We were released from the hospital late Sunday night/early Monday morning. We drove home.. Ben was VERY happy to be out of the hospital.. he laughed when he saw our car in the parking garage and said "yeah..."

[insert restless night of sleep]

Monday was pretty terrible all around. Ben was hurting, confused, mad and sick. This isn't a great mix for a toddler.. or his moms. He spent most of the day screaming and thrashing. There were a few brief moments of rest.. very brief.

By mid-afternoon.. we were going nuts. His fever had broken, but he was still just so distressed and our anxiety levels were through the roof after feeling so helpless during the seizure and then to feel helpless in finding a way to soothe him the next day. We took off in the car again. It was Shiela's idea.. I was skeptical.. but I couldn't stay in the house. We wound up in Concord's historic district and had "lunch" at a cute little place where one of the employees gave Ben some wikkistix to play with. It was the first time in 24 hours that he was calm AND awake. We're going to buy this wonderful product in bulk.

Ben got down and walked around a bit on the greens in Concord before we decided to start on home. We finished out the evening with some free form doodling. I picked up some markers from Walgreens and threw the rulebook aside.. He had a little bit of marker that made the paper.. most wound up on his hands, shirt, mouth and the table.



We ended the day on a more positive note.. although sleeping was difficult Monday into Tuesday. For reference.. the pic below shows Ben a day after the seizure.. those are TIRED EYES.



This picture was taken Saturday afternoon.. a day BEFORE the seizure. Note the eyes. (also note the pink babydoll stroller.. that's another story!)

Hi guys..

I just have time for a quick update. I'll try to log on later to fill in some of the details. On Sunday afternoon, Ben had another seizure. We knew it was coming and also knew there was nothing we could do to stop it (not a fun feeling as a parent). This time around it was fever related with his temp spiking to 104 degrees shortly before the seizure. After about 3 minutes we called 911 and at the 5 minute mark we gave him the meds from his seizure kit. The seizure stopped within seconds of receiving that medication (thank god for valium).

We spent the evening at Children's Hospital in Boston (i hate that place and love it at the same time.. I guess I love the doctors/nurses and knowing that such a wonderful place like that not only exists, but is so close to us.. i hate having to go there with our beautiful son).

Sunday night through this morning was very difficult on all (moms and Ben). Ben seems to be doing much better and is at daycare this afternoon. We have more tests to be done and more doctors visits in the coming week or two.. but for now we're just enjoying his eyes being bright again.

Ok.. I added some ads to my site.. thank you for your patience...

Now my concern is that there is an ad titled "Baby Anxiety?" that keeps popping up and it's starting to irritate me. If it said "Mommy Anxiety?" I'd be ok.. but WHY is that particular ad linking to ME... I guess those are probably the two words I use the most.. but sheesh.. it's giving me a bad rap.

Ok.. so Kid Rock is just genius in so many ways. Musically, lyrically.. heck.. he was one of the dozen selected to be filmed in videos with Pamela Anderson.. ok.. I digress.

I heard this song on the radio yesterday after just having stood on ground that used to be considered "the most dangerous city block in the country". It's not the best area right now, but it IS the site of a brand new school building. Anyway.. the song hit me as being profound and when I listen to it again I realize that it's another case of a straight talker like Kid Rock or Eminem just saying it how it they see it and I find that more times than not.. I tend to agree.



Now go smoke funny things and sing Sweet Home Alabama all summer long!!!

I know that our President has had a busy schedule these days.. oh with the Russia/Georgia issue and the Olympics.. but I wonder if he'd take my call..

I have to do some more digging, but it seems that I'm related to the Bush family. How mortifying is that? It seems that I share a link to the President and to the fellow who shot President Reagan.. we're all descended from Thomas Hinckley (born 19 Mar 1619, Hawkhurst, Kent, England; died 25 Apr 1706, Barnstable, MA) who was Governor of Plymouth Colony from 1658-1681.

Funny thing is that I'm pretty sure that I'm related to Robert E. Lee too (you know.. the dude who lost the Civil War). This isn't doing much for my self esteem!

Edited to add: Well it just gets deeper. Obama is also a descendant of Thomas Hinckley.

We went to a friend's BBQ over the weekend and caught up with a wonderful group of friends and their kids. The pic above is one of Benjamin and one of his bestest friends, Anna. The two have history man.. they've known each other "forevah!". I have a pic of Anna giving Ben a kiss last October that I'll have to find.. but the pic above is an attempt by Anna to give Ben a hug.. Ben was being shy.

Cute.. if I do say so myself. Anna's mom agrees!

So.. it shouldn't be a surprise to most of you who know me that I'm easily amused and easily distracted.. what.. wait.. look at the kitty! just kidding.

Ok.. so if you google "Benji and Shiela" just like that.. including the word "and".. my blog will come up as the #1 hit on google! I rock! Of course.. how many people are googling "Benji and Shiela".. especially with Jood's name spelled right, but wrong.. "i" before "e" except after "c"..

In other news.. you'll see that I caved and added some Ads. Irritating, yes.. but I promise I won't do more than just the side banner. no scrolling ads or "hit skip to continue" blackouts or even worse.. *gasp*.. pop-ups. I figured that it couldn't hurt. It's not the best way to make a dime.. but a dime is a dime.. so click away, my friends. Given the random things I tend to talk about.. the items in the Ad list could be quite wacky.

Ok.. two unrelated topics.

My dad's surgery went fine yesterday and after spending about a half hour trying to track down SOMEONE in the hospital to tell me he wasn't dead.. I finally talked to his nurse and then talked to him. He was still a bit groggy, but said that the doctor said the surgery went fine and the circulation to his leg had returned as they had hoped. He's in for a bit of recovery time.. but hopefully it will be smooth sailing.

Now on to cool ass doors. For those that don't know (I think Shiela may be the only one aside from Ben that knows this little tidbit).. I absolutely LOVE doors. I don't know why. I love them in general.. opening .. closing.. knocking.. they are just brilliant. I also love taking photos (if you couldn't tell from the 5000+ photos of Benjamin that I took during his first year). I can't say I'm good at it.. or that I have the right equipment (such a hard thing for a "Gear Slut" -- as my sister calls me -- to admit).. but I still take pictures of doors. The picture below was taken downtown in Boston. It was a side mechanical/electrical room door to an old mill building.. the base of the door frame was about 4 feet off the ground.. which explains the weird perspective (i.e. looking up at a door). It was friggin cool. One of these days I will start a blog devoted entirely to cool ass doors. I'm not sure if there is a reader-niche for that sorta thing.. but who cares. Without further ado.. here is the CAD (cool ass door)...

It's Friday.. Jood's day with the boy. I watch Seseme Street with him and go to the Reservoir.. She goes to Target with a bunch of coupons.. :) She sent me the pic above just a few minutes ago as they were getting ready to head out of the store. They did NOT buy the hat. Notice how much fun he was having.. :) Naptime!

Hi all you blog readers... for those of you not in the "know".. there are these things called "blog readers".. not the actual people that read the blogs.. but programs/sites where you can "subscribe" to blogs all in one place and you don't have to go visit a million sites to stay updated on your favorite blogs. I've been using Google's Reader for a while and it's ok.. but it crops Snickollet's blog for some reason that I can't figure out and you can't see the actual site.. just the RSS feed. If you don't have any clue what I'm talking about.. just move down to my next post and watch the people dance.

For those who do know what I'm talking about.. any suggestions for good blog readers out there that let you see the blog in it's entirety, template/formatting and all? I think I may be just running around in circles trying to think about it.

I got a very nice note from one of my new readers. I tend to follow up on those types of things by checking out their blog. I found this video clip that just made me smile and I wanted to share. Life at our house has been all about dancing lately.. Benjamin just can't dance enough. In fact, we let him stay up to watch the finale of SYTYCD last night and he danced with a number of the acts and laughed and laughed.. the best sound in the world. Hope you enjoy this video and if you get the chance, check out my new "blog-friend"s site, Life At Number 14.

my dad is going in for surgery to clear a blockage in a main artery in his leg (i think that's the correct terminology). he had been suffering with a lot of numbness and pain and had a string of tests and found that he had very little (or no) circulation through his leg. The blockage is just behind his knee. i'm not exactly sure what to think.

Anyway.. my dad is where I get my social anxiety issues from.. if I'm going to subscribe to the "it's all your parent's fault" theories.. :) In general, he doesn't tell us about things.. DEFINITELY not health related things. I think that most of this is trying to protect us from things that are hard to think about. Hell.. he didn't even tell me when my grandfather died.

Anyway, he emailed me to let me know about this.. the fact that he mentioned it says that it's more serious than he's making it out to be just because well.. he said something. I knew something was up because he looked like he was in a lot of pain when I saw him a few weeks ago at my niece's birthday party. I never equated it to cardiac issues since it was his leg and to my knowledge he had no prior history and is in good health (but again.. i wouldn't know otherwise). When he told my sister, she grilled him a bit for more information but he just sort of clammed up. We don't even know what hospital he's going to be in (it will be one of the hospitals in Hartford, I assume). I'm going to call him tonight.. we rarely talk on the phone, but part of me is worried that this is more serious than he is making it out to be and i'm worried.

I know everyone has a lot on their minds these days.. but if you have the energy to send a prayer or a positive thought in his direction.. i would appreciate it.

Dad.. if you read this.. hopefully when you're home recovering from the surgery eating healthy snacks (and maybe a frozen snickers bar or two) and watching the Discovery Channel and the Food Network... I just wanted to say that I love you and I hope tomorrow goes well and your recovery goes better. You should start a blog.. then you could take pictures and post them.. I'm world renowned for posting surgery and hospital photos on my blog.

Hi all..

Well.. the work saga continued today. I spoke with the ultra-mega boss for about an hour this morning (he's also a good friend), and then he spoke to my immediate supervisor (said bossman that triggered a panic attack of epic proportions last week) for another hour. Then the three of us sat down to come up with a "plan"

I won't go into specifics, because that's against my "blog rules".. but I will say that I feel a thousand times better right now than I did this morning. I also feel positive that change may happen. I am proud of myself that I was honest and yet stood my ground and at one point even put my fist down on the table (not hard) and said "dammit.. i'm GOOD at my job.. i refuse to be made to feel like i'm not respected." i think i may have said that twice. Anyway.. i'm absolutely exhausted.. I don't like people enough to have confrontation for 3 hours straight.. but at least that is over and we can move forward. Hopefully things will change. *cross fingers*

In funnier news.. my lovely wife, Joodah (isn't that a cute nickname.. sorta like "honeypie" or "snookums"), continues to be a trooper.. when she's awake. I woke up at about 4am (again) in full panic mode. I was worrying about work (surprise). I wanted her to comfort me and tell me that I'm ok and that we're ok and that "it's" ok. I didn't want to wake her though, because.. well.. it was 4am. She also rode her bike to work yesterday and did yoga last night.. at one point, earlier on.. she was laying with her hands sticking up and when i tried to get her to lay them down she said "noooo.. they hurt". So i opted to let her sleep.

SO.. I was still in need of some comforting.. so I reached out and held her hand. She promptly grumbled some nonsensical words and pulled her hand away. I chuckled.. but still was feeling clingy. So I put my arm under her arm. She promptly shrugged it off and said "cheese". I'm really not sure what that was in reference to. I finally settled for laying down as close to her as I could manage without actually physically touching her. I was just about asleep when she rolled over and told me that I was crowding her. We need to work on the crowding/cuddling concept i think!

Since the physical snuggling didn't work.. I opted for some subconscious snuggle time. I had some weird ass dreams about random thing including shiela and i at a band concert (some school function for someone i don't know if i know) and we had obstructed view seats.. there was a great big wall in front of us and we couldn't see anything at all. That's ok.. I just put my head on her shoulder and relaxed (there's the hidden snuggle). That was about when she woke me up saying "it's 7:30.. get up". URGH!

The morning was a bit crazy. When I get ben ready for daycare, I do things like microwave an egg, toast a waffle, throw some jars of things into his bag.. normal "throw it together and try to hit all the food groups" kinda organization. Shiela put water on to make him pasta. pasta.

As we were getting ready to leave the house, I was looking for my cell phone (which is back in my possession, btw.. i had left it at Bertucci's).. and picked up the house phone to call it. The ring sounded and I started searching.. it sounded like it was coming from the couch.. but by the time i got to the couch it sounded like it was coming from the rocker.. but by the time i got to the rocker it sounded like it was coming from ben's toy boys.. but by the time i got to the toybox i noticed that shiela was practically falling over from fits of hysterical laughter. It was in my right front pants pocket.. so I was looping the room always thinking that it was sounding like it was just off to the right a bit.

I should write all this down.. wait.. i am.

Ok.. so last funny (at least to me) tidbit from this morning.. I was listing off my dreams from last night to Shiela and one of them was that we were stuck in line at a high school cafeteria.. and they had NO FOOD. well.. no food that i would consider edible. lots of pasta with stuff like pesto on it. This may not seem funny to you.. but I have a tendency to have "work stress" dreams that revolve around high school. If i'm stressed at work.. suddenly I start dreaming that I'm in high school and I can't remember my class schedule.. or locker combination.. etc. The cafeteria line was a new one for my repertoire.

I'll leave you with a pic of Ben from last night wearing his brand new bike helmet and brand new sneakers (size 7 extra-wide)..



And one of a minor bike incident... I know.. bad Mommy.. I just had to take the picture! By the time I got over to him he was already back up on the bike and laughing.

Hi all..

Well.. It's been a week. I won't clarify that by saying a good or a bad week.. just a week. I have SO much that I could blog about.. but as most of you know, I have a few taboo topics that I refuse to blog about to the entire world of blog people. That said.. what does one do when all the taboo things go to hell and you have no where to write about it? I guess that's where paper and a pencil come in.

Some of you know bits and pieces of what my week has been like. I'll share a teeny tiny bit of that here along with an "I AM OK" and a "I WILL CONTINUE TO BE OK". My therapist would be proud.

Ok.. so most of you know that I had dealt with a bout of Post Partum Depression after my pregnancy with Ben. Looking back.. not much of a surprise since I've always had anxiety issues (for lack of a better term).. tacking on a hormonal rollercoaster was JUST enough to kick me over the proverbial edge. Since then, I've made a complete recovery.. from the PPD. In the meantime, my year and a half of therapy has dug up lots of other junk like self-esteem challenges (ha.. nice way of putting it) and stuff like that. In general.. things have been going well. I almost always have something to talk about when I go to counseling, but I rarely use up a box of tissues anymore. At one point, I was a two-boxer patient.. my guy would see the color of the tissues change.. indicating that "the end" was near.. and would smoothly transfer in a fresh box of kleenex. That's why I pay him the big bucks.

Ok.. so the next two items are on my taboo list. work and the concept of possibly trying for another child SOMEDAY (note to moms...we're talking major hypothetical stuff at this point.. sort of like "wow.. what if one day I'm skinny and get a tattoo"..).

So. In a frustrated effort to get off of the anxiety meds that I'm still on (enough to sink the titanic).. I made an UBER-BAD-MOVE last weekend and went cold turkey off the meds. Did I warn my wife.. nah.. I could "handle it". My thought process.. however skewed, was that if I could just make it through a few days, then the hardest part of the withdrawal would be over with and I could get back to normal without taking months to ween off the meds. yeah. UBER-BAD-MOVE.

I lasted until Sunday then Shiela put me in a headlock and shoved a pill down my throat in a manner somewhat similar to giving a cat a pill. I started to feel significantly better, but was definitely teetering near the brink (of what.. i don't know) for the remainder of the week.

So poof.. on to taboo topic #2.. work. Work went great until Thursday morning when something that has been a thorn in my side for years reared it's ugly head and jabbed me in the side again. If I was on my game.. I would have stepped on my toe, gritted my teeth, and defended myself.. but instead I just sort of zoned out. I proceeded to leave the "meeting".. go to the car.. and call the wife. She then called my good friend at work who grabbed her iced D&D coffee and came to my rescue. Shiela met us at the ER and we went from there.

I wasn't admitted or anything. They gave me a hit of a benzo (tranquilizer) and then asked me how I felt. Not surprisingly, I drooled and said "better". So they sent me home. It wasn't exactly that smooth, but it wasn't traumatic either.. at least for me. I slept off the meds through Thursday and most of Friday and then spent the weekend in full fledged "OH MY GOD WHAT THE F***" mode.

I'm not looking for advice or anything at this point. Shiela and I are on the same page with things and I'm comfortable with our current plan. My sister has her old cheerleading outfit on trying to talk me into quitting. For the moment, I'm taking things one step at a time and looking forward to my evening with my wife and son.